“Plus, when you have God, you’re always happy.”
That was the reply one of my followers/someone I follow gave me on Twitter when I wrote him a direct message asking him if He was always happy. Haha for real, this guy posts some of the most uplifting, bright, happy go lucky tweets of anyone that I follow. I actually really appreciate people who also have bright spirits in this world. It’s too easy to “go to the dark side.” Anyway, naturally, his reply sparked a thought in my mind, and I told him I’d have to write a blog about it.
There’s a difference between joy and happiness. In my opinion, happy is a state of mind. It is temporary, and it is fleeting because it is dependent on circumstances. To have happiness, every condition needs to be just right. One inch too far to the left or the right, and your mood comes crashing down. Joy is a state of heart. True joy is found in Christ, and it is permanent, regardless of the circumstances. The circumstances may never be right, but you will have joy because your hope, peace, comfort, safety, and identity are found in Him.
He is the only One who is able to offer us what we truly need in this life. As I’ve began a real-lationship with Him after nearly dying (again) earlier this year, I realized that in the end, He is all that matters. Nothing I can acquire on this Earth can even begin to measure up to who He is, how He loves, what He has to offer. I highly encourage people to seek Him when they feel like their life is missing something, or someone. He is so often the missing ingredient when we’re trying to get our lives to taste “just right,” yet few actually seek Him out.
I’ve honestly always been the optimistic type, but this has been a year that could easily change that. It’s literally been one thing after another since the middle of January. I had a ruptured brain aneurysm on the night of February 4, 2012. As I’ve said before, I had no idea what an aneurysm was until mine ruptured. Having emergency brain surgery, surviving a life threatening condition, trying to figure out “the new normal,” standing by friends as their loved ones have passed away (whether expected or unexpected, it still hurts), having to make some tough calls to make sure that I’m putting my health first, turning 25, realizing and accepting that my life is absolutely nothing like I’ve ever planned it to be, realizing and accepting that my life will be different but still a version of normal now, learning to live with a newfound, unexpected, mild acquired brain injury… Yeah, those are all events that have had the capacity to destroy my outlook. “Why, how can you still manage to be happy?” is a question I hear very often from people who hear my story, and I have to say that I’m not always happy, but I am always filled with joy. Why? How? Because! I put God first in my life, now. He’s no longer on the back burner, per se. Just there if I need Him. No, no, no. He is here because I need Him, not if!
He created us to need Him! He created us to turn to Him in all circumstances in life, even the things that we think He wouldn’t care the least about. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) reads “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your and your minds in Christ Jesus.” That verse has been instrumental in my recovery, because sometimes I feel ungrateful complaining about the (minor) deficits I do have, and the headaches I experience. I think “you’re alive, Robin, stop complaining! It could be so much worse and here you are whining about a migraine. Oh boo hoo, besides, God’s got better things to deal with than your silly little headache. Tough it out!” But clearly, I am able to take my migraines (fatigue, difficulties concentrating, and memory lapses haha) to Him, even if I could’ve suffered something much, much worse.
People have also asked me “So, you mean to tell me, you still love ‘a’ God who would make you so sick you almost died? What is wrong with you?” Haha. I have to somewhat laugh at this. First of all, He did not make me sick, He allowed me to become sick. God knows how to reach each of us, because He created all of us. God knows that my mind is both my best friend and my worst enemy. God knows that He had to cause something drastic in my body to get to my (soul) heart. I’m not saying that everyone whose ever had a serious illness is the work of God trying to get to them, either. I’m just saying that He customizes the ways He reaches us, depending on what He knows will get to us. I’m just saying that in my particular case, I do believe that God allowed this to happen to reach me. I’m just saying that yes, I do still love Him, praise Him, and seek Him because He proved the power of His love, even when He didn’t have to. He showed me immense grace and mercy, because He’s giving me another chance, and this time I want nothing more than to live for Him, share Who He is with others, and have the chance to hear “well done, good and faithful servant!” when it is my final call Home.
He proved the power of His love when, on the morning of surgery, I was able to write that I wasn’t scared because God is with me. He proved the power of His love when the doctors, nurses, therapists and staff were able to treat me well. He proved the power of His love when my family, my friends, and even strangers were pouring out precious time and energy to help get me back to “me.” He proved His love when people would encourage me, remind me of who I am, love on me. God works through many (and sometimes I find quite strange) ways. Do I understand them? No. I can’t even begin to fathom how He works. Isaiah 55:8-9, right there! But I do know that I am entirely grateful, no matter what has had to be done for Him to accomplish His works. Philippians 1:6 and Romans 8:28! Those verses in bold just describe this year, this experience, this new life I’m living. Romans 12:2 :)
So, all in all, even during my not so awesome days, I am joyful at heart because I know there’s a deeper reason for this. I know it isn’t about me becoming sick, it isn’t about me nearly dying, it isn’t about me at all. I’m merely a vessel He’s decided to use to display who He is, and I’m willing and able to speak about it. I’m willing and able to share my test turned testimony. I am unashamed, and I am completely thankful that He has given me the opportunity to be able to share His Truth. It’s really awesome. I was never a “bad” person (haha quite the opposite–considered ‘miss goody two shoes’ by most) before I became sick, but my heart wasn’t right. God searches our hearts. See: Jeremiah 17:10. We can do the most philanthropic, loving, kind, caring acts on this planet, but if our heart isn’t right, then we are not right. I did good, but was my heart always good? Were my motives always in the right place? I can honestly say no, not always.
I got a good wake-up call, a solid reality check. My ears, eyes, and heart are wide open. I’m attentive, I’m listening, and I’m doing my best to live right, from the heart, every day that I am blessed to see. That’s what joy is. I’m not always happy, but my heart is always filled with joy. :) He is giving me another chance, to make it right, when He surely did not have to. The odds were totally against me, but He said “no” to a physical death, in exchange for a spiritual death and rebirth. What’s not to find joyful about that? Not everyone is so blessed, and plenty of people die everyday, having not had the chance to make it right. As I say, as I’ve learned this year, “tomorrow is a privilege, not a promise. Make it right today!” If you’re breathing, then you’re able to make it right in your heart with Him. Confess your sins (He already knows, anyway), repent, and allow Him to work within you to change your life. Well, the life He’s letting you borrow everyday. We all belong to Him at the end of the day. :) He’s a great caregiver. Loving, kind, generous, and able. Seek Him out, return to Him the (soul) heart He’s blessed you with, and live your life full of joy, regardless of whether or not you feel happy. He’s able to provide. I promise! Besides, I can honestly say that my worst day with Him is better than my best days were without Him! I sincerely mean that, too. Try Him out, you’ll see it for yourself. :)
If you’ve read this, thank you. I hope that you have a blessed day, and that something here “spoke” to you if it’s something you needed to hear. If it has, you’re welcome. Give God praise for the events He lines up that spark thoughts like this in my mind, where I feel I have to share it with someone. Life’s just funny like that. Go out, smile, and breathe. If something is holding you back, remember that you can turn to Him with anything and He will hear you. Allow Him to guide you where you need to go, and allow Him to move within your life. Also, remember that happiness is dependent on circumstances, true joy is not. True joy is only found in Christ.
Philippians 4:10-13 (NIV) “I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
Faith, by fire. 