To The Happy Couple!

If y’all are wondering where I’ve been, I’ll tell you that I have been extremely busy with one of my best friend’s weddings. :)  She and her husband had their wedding August 17, and I was the maid of honor.  :)  I just wanted to write a little something for the two of them, so here we go.

August 17 marked exactly 18 months since the day I came home from the hospital, last year and it’s also when my new life began all on my own, outside of the confines of hospital walls with skilled neurosurgeons, nurses, therapists and staff there to keep me safe.  This girl literally held my hand, and she was the first person to speak up to a neurosurgeon in Dallas about the headache I had while they were trying to determine the cause of my brain bleed.  She told him “she’s had a headache for 3 days” and that’s when he said “oh, that changes everything.” The necessary steps were taken, next, to find the aneurysm that was slowly (but rapidly) taking my life away from me.

I know that Rachel and I have been best friends for the past 13-14 years,  but you don’t ever think of your best friend having to say or do something that could literally save your life.  You don’t look at your best friend and think “gee, someday he/she may be holding my hand while I’m in a medically induced coma because my brain is bleeding, and swelling, and I’m slowly dying.”  You don’t think that, but that’s what happened.

Aww! This is Rachel holding and kissing my hand before anyone really understood what exactly was going to happen. She’s been such a faithful and good friend throughout all of this! She was even being respectful that I may not want pictures of my face shown, so she posted one that shows love but isn’t too telling, either!

Rachel,

Thank you so much for dropping everything to be at my side on that cold February night.  I have zero recollection of that event (or any events for a good 9 days), but I have photographic proof that you were right there by my side.  Thank you for your prayers, your friendship, and being the first person to visit me when I came home on February 17, 2012. :)  I love you!  I know I wasn’t feeling awesome, I didn’t even really seem like “me,” but you stuck by me through all of that, and I appreciate it.  Thanks for all of the good times, the laughter, and as things slowly got “back to normal,” we just kind of picked up where we left off.

I’ll miss times like these:

Hahaha dancing in your old apartment. I believe we were listening to “Whip My Hair” :)

The “must have” Sunday nap after church!!  Also, this was one of our first “normal” days after I came home last year. :)

Hahahahahaha. There probably are no words to describe what was really happening here. Typical of us to be cracking up at something, and it was probably really dumb. Something only we would find hilarious. :) :)

Girls day out!!! :) Ya know, just showing our rockstar sides in mama’s bathroom!  I think this was in 2008!

Waaaay back in your UTD days! Lunch with you, Laura, and mama!

NeedToBreathe with you and mama in Dallas!  My first live concert (and I got to see Seth Bolt hahaha) since this “new life” began. :)  I loved all of it!

Thanksgiving 2011 with you, Amanda and family. Just mere months before everything changed.  P.S., You and I are both really short. Hahaha.

Thanksgiving 2012 with you, Marcus, Amanda and family/friends!

The night that you, Ali and I went to dinner and a movie. I love girls nights with y’all. :)

Just one of those random shots we always captured. Crazy hair and lovin’ it!

Panama Cityyy!!! Spring break 2011. Best. Trip. Ever! Hahaha I loved it, and I loved that you, Amanda and I went and didn’t even get reckless, but we had a great time anyway!

Spring break 2011! Just getting ready in the hotel room, hanging out and having fun :)

Sarah got married 23 months (exactly) before you, and you two have been my closest friends since I was 12. I love you both, dearly, and I’m glad that we got to have this picture during Spring break!

Before Caleb made his way into the Army. :)

I think this was the first day of 2011, I know it was New Year’s day and at first I told you I didn’t like this picture because it wasn’t cute. Hahaha then I looked again and decided otherwise. :)

So many memories, and these are a very small portion of the pictures we have taken over the years.  That’s okay, though, can’t put them all on here.  That would probably take a year or so.  Moving onward… While I will always miss and cherish those times,

I am glad I got to be a part of times like these:

One of my favorite pictures of you and Marcus (so far) and one of the first times I actually “saw” the love you two share. :) I love it!

Hahahaha. Watching you two together is such an experience, even when Marcus puts you up on the refrigerator for a “time out.” Keep that playful love alive throughout the years, and always remember to laugh!

Love this one!! The day we went to pick Caleb up after his deployment. You two are so silly, it’s amusing to watch. :)

Your first bridal shower. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I am so glad I got to be there, by your side, doing my MOH duties. I love you girls!!

I was in charge of the food and drinks for the lingerie shower/bachelorette party. I think it turned out pretty well!  We just kind of did an appetizers thing, because we all went out to dinner (mmm, steak) and didn’t want to eat too much beforehand.  Vegetables and ranch dip, fruit and fruit dip that I made, “better than sex” cupcakes, and a sparkling pink punch made of frozen lemonade, sparkling white grape juice, and club soda!

Just one of my contributions to Rachel’s lingerie shower/bachelorette party.
Better than sex cupcakes that took for-ev-er to make, but they were well worth it!!  They are very rich and you should probably only eat one, but I’m pretty sure we all had two or three hahah.

^This is the recipe for those devilish delicious cupcakes: http://centercutcook.com/better-than-sex-cupcakes/
You’re welcome, and I’m sorry in advance for any weight you may gain. :)  Also, thank you and shout out to my ultra talented sister, Kayla, for making the homemade icing from scratch.  That made the cupcakes even better!

Oh, Bella dog! If I am at that house, this girl is somewhere near me. I was just trying to enjoy my snacks and she refused to leave me. Haha!

Headed out to dinner on the night of the shower/party :)

All of that was fun (and delicious), but it doesn’t compare to being able to stand next to your best friend on her wedding day, when, had anything gone differently 18 months and 12 days earlier, you may not have been present at all.

I was thrilled to be present for memories like these:

The night of the rehearsal, after the dinner. The bridal party all met up at a hotel for some friendly competition (Battle of the Sexes board game) and we had to pose for a silly picture before saying goodnight. :) I love it!

But nothing compares to being alive to be a part of memories like these:

The colors were Tiffany Blue and a true red. They were beautiful. :) I chose a one shouldered dress and kept my jewelry simple because of the bow on the shoulder. :)  Just hanging out in the bridal room before the ceremony began!

The three of us bridesmaids!! We all chose different dresses, but kept the same color. I actually love how it all came together. We all wore red shoes, though. :) Whitney is in the center, and Amanda is on the right!

Me and Amanda! :)

The groom’s sister, Shatera, is the one who took this shot. I love it! Mr. and Mrs. Anderson as they exited the church building after the ceremony :) I think this is my favorite picture from a guest’s point of view, so far!

I believe Laura captured this shot. The bride and groom had their first dance. So sweet :)

After being serenaded by Ben (the brother of the bride), I can honestly say I will never hear this song the same, ever again hahaha.

I really, really, really wish the videographer could have recorded my reaction.  Amanda, Whitney and I were standing on the side of the dance floor cracking up at Ben’s serenade.  It was priceless.

Now, to get serious, I have a few things to “say” to you, Rachel and Marcus.  I could have said all of this during my toast at the reception, but y’all should know that I’m really not going to stand up in front of all of those people and say this much.  Haha it’s easier through writing. :)

First of all, always remember to love one another from a standpoint of selflessness, because that’s what love really is.  Love is not an emotion, it’s a choice, and it’s a choice that each of you will have to make everyday, whether you “feel like it” or not.  I love you both.  Remember this, and practice it daily in your interactions with each other:

A cup I saw in a coffee shop the morning after the wedding when I was running some errands with the bride’s mama!  God loves us graciously, and if we are to love as He loves, we are to love one another using grace, as well.  Practice it everyday!

Marcus, if you really ever have to apologize to her, you could always just buy her one of these!

The Rolex the mother of the bride was wearing on the wedding day!

Hahahaha, I’m kidding.

Seriously, though, just like I said in my toast, “you passed the test.”  I have liked you since the afternoon we sat down together in Starbucks to have the “what are your intentions” talk.  I liked your gentleness, but bold sense of honesty.  You have a calm presence, but one that also means business.  I like that about you.  I like that you see beneath the surface, and that you have a strong spirit.  I love that you are both silly, but deeply loving and caring.  I think that you make a great match for my best friend, and I can’t wait to watch your love with her progress over the years.

Thank you for including me in the fun of engagement planning, ring shopping, and making me keep that secret from her.  I loved it!!  Thank you for the times you’ve reached out to me, offered an encouraging word, and have just been real with me.  I appreciate that more than I can even write or say.  But most of all, Marcus,  Thank you for being a real man in today’s world of imitations and lowered standards.  It shows, you know.

To  you both, Apologizing in sincerity, though is something that will serve you two well.  Say it with words, show it through action and do the work it takes to make your marriage last.  I believe you both want to have that “happily ever after,” but it takes effort.  Give it all you’ve got.  Love each other well, and respect each other as well.  :)

Also, do your marriage with a party of three, in the shape of a triangle.  God is at the top, and you two are at the bottom corners.  The closer you two get to Him, individually, the closer the two of you become to one another.  Remember that the purpose of marriage is to glorify God and is to be a picture of how Christ loves the Church.  :)  Show each other love and respect, and safeguard your marriage by working through your issues together. Remember that it’s okay to seek help when/if you need an objective opinion, and always pray through everything.

I love you both, I’m glad that I was able to take part in your special day, and I wish you (and pray for) both many years of happiness and fun, even through the difficulties.  Keep your eyes on Him.  I know we are separated by hours and miles, but we can visit one another and still maintain a solid friendship.  That’s what I’m here for, ya know! :)  I know that although I could choose to see it as I’m “losing” Rachel, I am actually gaining an incredible friend and brother in Marcus.  :)

I wanted to wait to post this until after y’all came back from your honeymoon, and I hope Costa Rica was full of rest and adventure.  I know we were all resting most of this week.  Weddings take a lot out of you, but it was well worth it!  Once again, I love you both!!!

-Robin
(Robinella or MoRo) :)

Why did You leave me here?

Sitting outside this morning, listening to the birds chirping, watching the leaves gently sway from side to side on the tree in my front yard, and feeling the blissful combination of cool and warmth permeating the air.  I stop, and I think, “How could you not love God?  How could you not give thanks to the Creator of this Earth, the Creator of the change of seasons, the Creator of the sun, the sky, the moon, and the stars?  How could you not love the Creator of you, the Creator of me?”

It really plagues my mind that people don’t take advantage of the free love he so graciously and generously offers to each and every human being.  In a culture so tantalized by “free” giveaways, we sure do pass on the greatest free offer of all.  Christ’s love.  What is wrong with us?  Why can’t people see what I see, and feel what I feel?  Who’s gone astray?  Me, or them?  I guess we both have, in a way.  Except I’ve chosen (and have to choose daily) to deviate from the “normal” way of life.  They choose to go along on the “normal” road of this world.  One that I no longer wish to travel, because I did, for most parts of 24 years, 2 months, and 2 days.  I say that because my life drastically changed on February 4, 2012.  I will never be the same again, and I am so grateful for it.

Haha oh, I wish I didn’t have “brain surgery brain” some days.  My thoughts just get trapped.  It isn’t like writers block, because I know what I want to say… But it’s like my mind can’t formulate it in a coherent way of writing.  Like right now, I had all kinds of thoughts to put into a post… But I don’t know how to say it!  Hahah.  I laugh, but it’s kind of not funny.  I feel like I confuse people because I’m all over the place and what I’m trying to say isn’t quite logical.  I apologize if I just go off on tangents and ramble, and leave you asking “So, what was the point of that?”  Bear with me… My post brain surgery brain functions just a bit differently.

Anyway, back to my original train of thought…

How people can actively choose not to take advantage of the greatest offering of love we could ever experience is beyond me.  Why?  Is it because you don’t want to have to sacrifice “your” life in pursuit of God?  In that case, let me tell you, it isn’t “your” life.  He gave it to you.  The very least you could be willing to do is give it back to Him.  Pray “Your will, not mine” (Matthew 6:10) and mean it.  It’s  a hard prayer to pray, and even more difficult to mean it.  You have no idea what He has planned for you, and sometimes it is downright scary.  But I assure you, that it is worth it.  His will is worth it.

I didn’t pray for His will to be done, or at least not to my knowledge, when I got sick.  Who knows?  I had been intubated, and for that they sedated me, not to mention the near hypothermic state they had induced to slow down brain damage from the aneurysm rupture, or the drugs they had used, or the Propofol they administered.  I don’t know what I said to God, but I do know that He was with me on the morning of surgery.  Remember this?  I can only imagine (because I have no memory) that I called on Him, and He came to be with me.  Maybe I did tell Him “I’m scared, God.  I don’t understand what is going on, and I’m sorry that I haven’t been living the way You’ve created me to live, but please just be with me. Whatever I’m going through… I trust you.  Please protect me and watch over me.  Please calm my fears.”  I don’t know that I did that, but I can only imagine that I did.  If I did, then that was the best decision I’ve ever made in my almost 25 years of life.  It is one that I will never regret.  Why?  Because, I realized the impact of His love.  It is incredible, and I encourage everyone to at least give it a try.  I doubt that you’ll regret it, when all is said and done.  There will, though, undoubtedly be moments where you wonder if you did the right thing.  Because it can hurt.  But you know what?  He still reigns.  He still cares about you just the same, and He has not abandoned you even though you may seriously wonder that some days.  Trust me, I get it.  He gets it.   I’ve been there, thought that, and yet He still loves me with an all consuming love.

So while I don’t believe God made me sick, I do believe that He allowed me to become sick.  See?  He never says how His will will be done.  Maybe His will will be accomplished through illness, maybe it’ll be accomplished through a job promotion, maybe it will be accomplished by getting married and/or having a child(ren).  You don’t know.  But we are told (Romans 8:28) that God works all things to the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.  Trust me, lying in a hospital bed in ICU, staring at the PICC line in my left arm, with an extreme neck ache, and continuously being told to stop touching my newly formed battle scar (haha my incision) I didn’t feel very loved by God at all.  How could you love the God who almost let you die?  I feel like that’s what people think when they see this transformation in my life.  I’ll tell you how… Because I’m alive.  I’m not dead, am I?  The key word there is almost.  He left me here, again.  I’ll expand on the “again” some other time, but He left me here.  He has work for me to do, and He left me here in excellent condition, all things considered.

He could have left me here having suffered severe deficits, wheelchair bound, unable to feed, bathe, or clothe myself.  If that had been in His will for me, He could have allowed that to happen.  But no… He left me here almost the same Robin I was before the surgery.  Just a few more quirks, now.  By quirks I mean moments of intense memory loss (haha I can’t be put on the spot now to answer a question about the day’s events because my recall is impaired and greatly slowed down), headaches that are no fun with weather changes, flashes of anger where I feel almost out of control (thank the good Lord that I pray everyday for Him to temper me and go before me during the days) because of frustration, and at times overwhelming exhaustion.  How are you tired from doing nothing?  Oh, the perks of a brain healing and still functioning enough to make my body parts function as they should.  Props to my brain for still putting up a good fight.

I love Him because He left me here in such great condition and He loved me enough to once again take me away from death’s door.  Twice, in almost 25 years, I have walked away (or when I was a baby, carried away) from what should have killed me.  You can’t tell me there isn’t a God.  Well, you can, but I will dismiss the foolishness.  I love Him and welcome Him into my life, because I can see it now that He has a mission for me and I can’t go to be with Him until it’s done, here.  I don’t know exactly the specifics of this mission, but maybe it’s just to share my story in hopes that someone else who needs to hear it will hear it, and contemplate seeking their own real-lationship with God.

I speak because I feel like I have to.  I feel a compulsive need to share my test that turned (and is still turning) into my testimony.  Not to be vain, self centered, and arrogant.  I bet people get tired of hearing it, but I just have to share it because I don’t know who needs to hear it, but there is someone.   I just feel like people are always on the edge of “maybe” diving into the waters of a living relationship with Christ.  If hearing my story, hearing my struggles, and perhaps being able to personally identify with my pain pushes them over the edge, then so be it.  I consider that  a victory.  Maybe He left me here to speak.  Maybe part of the way I shine my light is being unashamed in telling of my past, and how I wasn’t a bad person, but I certainly wasn’t living right as a true Christian would live.  I don’t know, I’m just guessing.  But I can’t escape the feelings that bubble in my chest when I tell a portion of my story and someone’s eyes have this feeling of connection in them.

I can’t escape that feeling that says “this is it” when I tell them a brief synopsis of my journey these past seven months and I see tears well up in their eyes.  I can’t escape that feeling that says “finally, someone understands me” when we bond over shared brain surgery/injury experiences and they feel like they could just come crashing into my arms for a hug from someone who truly understands.  I can’t escape that feeling that says “so He is real?” when I tell them I had an 80-90% chance of death, or severe, severe impairment from brain damage but God said no.  They look at me in awe, in shock, in comfort, in love when I tell them… And I can only hope that it isn’t just my physical body that they see, but that they can sense God through me.  Through my words, through my writing, through my tears, through my laughter.  I can only hope that they can experience the love I’ve found.

 

The same love I experience, both from and for Christ is available to you.  All you’ve got to do is open up your heart and allow Him space and time to do what He needs to do in your life.  I don’t want people to have to go through something so catastrophic before they wake up.  Really, I don’t.  Maybe that’s the way God will accomplish it through your life, I don’t know and I can’t even begin to guess at the way He thinks (I’m smart, but not that smart haha) but I do just want to encourage people that He is real, and He is waiting.  His love won’t cost you anything, but it will cost you everything if you’re serious in your pursuit of Him.  But it’s a price you’re willing to pay when you experience the beauty of it all.  I have no desire at all to live as I was before I became sick.  I don’t watch the same TV shows (I barely watch TV at all, actually), I don’t read the same magazines, I don’t listen to the same music (yuck, most of it is pure garbage), I don’t eat the same (this one can be tough but I want to take care of my body as the temple He designed it to be so I need to make the right choices), I don’t drink alcohol at all anymore (I was never a big drinker before, but I definitely liked my Jack and Coke’s and the occasional beer on a night out with friends), I don’t talk the same (thank the Lord, because I had some horrible language at times), I don’t behave the same (I still have to surrender my flesh everyday to stay on a positive path–it can be hard), and nothing is the same.  Because everything is better.  In looking back at all I’ve given up, I can say it’s worth it.  More than worth it to experience the love that I have for Him, but even more worth experiencing the love He has for me.  Don’t think that you’re too far beyond His reach.  You’re not.  He knows your heart, and He wants your heart.  Seek Him.  Do realize with eyes wide open that if you’re truly following after Christ, you’re going to have to give up the ways of this world… But in that same glimpse, realize that He is beyond worth anything you could ever acquire in this world.  There are some pretty great pleasures in this world, but they don’t even remotely compare to having a spirit that’s alive, thriving, and well.

 

Seek Him.  Be blessed, my readers.  If any of y’all need any prayer, drop me a comment or you can email me at xoxoro7@gmail.com too if you’d like. Thank you for reading, and I hope that maybe there’s something here for you.  :)

 

How He Loves.

One of my faaaavorite Christian bands and songs.  I just love this so much.  When I first heard it after surgery, I bawled.  Why?  Because it’s true, and if you’ve had a heart change and truly live for Christ, you’ll realize just how deeply He loves all of us.  It may even be enough to make you shed a tear, too.  Haha.  Anyway, just thought I’d share it with everyone. :)  I’ve got to get running and get onto work for the day, but I hope all of my readers make today a good one!!!