Reflections.

I have been writing for years.  I’ve always loved words, languages, and the kinds of emotions you can convey with the written and/or spoken word.  Seriously, I love it!  Haha.  I was looking through my notes via Facebook a week or so ago when I couldn’t sleep, and I stumbled across some of my favorite “freestyle” writing adventures.  I really did use to just sit with the laptop open, staring at a blank screen until all kinds of thoughts would just start flowing.  Sometimes I would have a pen in hand hovering over a blank sheet of paper, then later put something together.  Just because.  I was kind of (and sometimes still can be) a night owl before I ever got sick, and that led to a lot of extremely late nights where I’d just be thinking, and write whatever came to mind.  I’m going to share some of them here with y’all, and maybe you’ll “get something” from them.  These are the ones that just so happen to be a few of my favorites.  :)

01. Emoticon.  Written July 29, 2010 

“If my emotions took the form of tangibility, maybe then you’d be able to comprehend me.

Ever changing like the cultures and scenery.

Maybe they’d roll into waves, with the force of a hurricane.

Or maybe they’d twist and turn like a tornado.

Perhaps they’d glide in like a warm summer rain,

or fade out like the sunset peering through trees.

Foggy, misty, gray, complete.

Building pressure like a volcano, just waiting to erupt.

Traumatic, potent, ablaze, lethal.

The tender kiss of a sunrise on a cold winter day.

Gentle heat of the sunshine reflecting off of a pool.

Blissful, enlightened, whole.

I’d have them come up to you, greet you, shake your hand.

Look you in the eye, tell you we’re not that different, and they understand.

I’d have them speak loud and clear, where everyone could hear.

Let you know that even though in distance, we are far apart in souls we reside very near.

If only, if only.”

Part. Written November 17, 2010 

“Sparks.

Here we go again.

Watch me ignite.

You.

You light me up from the inside.

Like the wick that rises from a candle to spread light.

So does your love, from the depths of my soul.

Out through the glimmer in my eyes, the shine of my smile.

Yet I keep it all contained.

Afraid if I let it show all its colors they may fade to gray.

We’ll never disappear, you’ll never turn away.

Quiet and deep.

Strong and pure.

Whole and even.

Subtle and understood.

Together we rest in the knowledge that we share.

Knowing that this is not forever guaranteed.

But forever cherished.”

Drifting. Written July 20, 2010

“So here I lay again.

Alone with my thoughts.

Thinking, wondering, questioning.

Pause. Stop. Repeat.

Not sure what I’m searching for,

Who it is I want to see.

Where I’m going.

If you’re where I want to be.

Fire and ice.

They exist inside of me, equally.

Taking turns switching burns.

Constant contrast.

Dark against light.

All wrong versus all right.

Different day, same night.”

C is for Courage. Written January 4, 2011.

“To that one person who seems to get to the very core of your being

despite your best efforts to keep him banned.

Attempts to escape are so futile, because the universe has a way of working things out…

Quite often in a concealing way, made apparent in hindsight.

Yeah. This one is for him.

Allow me to say

Thank you for being my catalyst.

Catalyst. That’s the most appropriate word to use.

For you, yourself, seem to show no signs of great change.

While I, myself, seem to roll along continuously, shedding skin.

True.  You sent my world straight into flames.

(Spreading like wildfire, unable to be contained)

Ignited something within my soul that I had never felt before.

Something for which I had no preparation, but all of the tools at hand to assist in this movement.

Do or die.

False.  You broke me.

(Into many fragments, jagged)

Shattered something within my soul that I had endlessly tried to deny.

Something which served only as a barrier to revealing the truest pieces of my existence, incessantly preventing growth.

Suffer yet survive.

I would tell you, but there are no words that can begin to illustrate the beauty

of realizing the power that so often lies latent within each of us.

I’d love to tell you, but…

There are no words that can begin to illuminate the freedom, and passion evoked

when you embrace the parts of yourself that you’ve so willingly gifted to others… But have disowned from oneself.

Instead, I’ll show you.

Open your eyes. Watch me fly.”

So, sometimes I really do miss just writing so randomly like that and seeing what I could come up with.  I’d always hesitate in posting the notes, much like I hesitate blogging some of my thoughts, for fear they won’t make sense.  However, I’ve received a lot of feedback, and they’re not as difficult to decipher as I think. :)  I  may have to take it up again, now that life has thrown me a unique set of challenges, and see where I can go, this time.  Who knows?  I’ll surprise y’all. :)

Be blessed!