18 month annie-versary!!!

Today, I am 18 months in this “new life.” 

I survived emergency brain surgery for a grade 4/5 (see Hunt and Hess scale) subarachnoid hemorrhage as a result of a ruptured brain aneurysm.  In a matter of minutes, my life changed forever on the night of February 4, 2012.  On the late morning/early afternoon of February 6, 2012, my life changed once again.  I awoke with an injured brain, but my brain still worked.  I have no memory (and didn’t get any “real” memories until February 13, 2012), but I do know that God was definitely present, because I wrote it out to my mom.  That moment is easily the most telling experience of this journey, if you ask me.  How can I be in a coma, but still know enough to ask questions (I had to write them because I couldn’t talk due to being intubated) and still know enough to know God was right there with me?  How could I be so calm in the presence of a raging storm?

It’s because of Romans 8:38-39 which reads: ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  It is because of Philippians 4:6-7 which reads: ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

That’s incredible.  I don’t have a memory, so I don’t know what I was feeling, but I can definitely imagine I was anxious, afraid, and sure that my time was up.  I know for a fact that He heard the prayers of those who poured out their hearts for me, and I am forever grateful for that.  God is so good to me!

Thank you all for your prayers during that trying time, and also through the trials I’ve faced since I’ve had to start this new life.  It means so much to me, and I know it means the world to those who love me. Wow.  One and one half years.  That’s really insane to think about.  The time has went so quickly, but also so slowly.  Where am I today?

Well, right now, it’s just after 9:30 PM and I am relaxing on my porch, listening to Ed Sheeran on Pandora, drinking a bottle of water, and just enjoying life.  Life has thrown me a few more curveballs lately, but it isn’t anything I can’t handle as long as I keep my faith focused.  I know that life is different, now, because when I get in a bad mood, I can “hear” Bible verses in my mind.  I know it’s my spirit urging me to seek Him further, and that comforts me a  lot.  It’s a definite heart change when He is the first resort instead of being on standby.  God has truly been very good to me.  Better to me than I deserve, I’ll even say.

Today, I did something very fun in honor of my 18 month annie-versary! I did a photo shoot with my incredible friend (and photographer), Alison, and I want to share the sneak peek with y’all!  I will probably add more as she is able to edit them and post, but for now, I have to say that this picture captures my spirit, this season, and life perfectly. :)

Happy 18 month annie-versary to me! Sneak peek from today’s shoot! Just wanted to capture this season of life, and this picture definitely captured it. :)

So blessed and grateful for awesome friends who have stuck by me through this journey.  They are more awesome than I even tell them, and I love them all very much.  Thank you all, seriously.  It means the world to me!

Oh, and can I say that I am seriously LOVING my fro?  Haha.  My hair is so versatile and I really do LOVE it.  I love being me, being natural, feeling bright, inspired, happy, whole, and… New.  I love it.  Life is good, even if it doesn’t always feel so good.

Keep the faith, keep the fight, y’all! :)

“Can I touch it?”

That’s the question that people ask me all the time since I’ve been completely natural. “Going natural” or “being natural” means that I don’t use any chemical straightening agents to straighten my hair.  Often times, African American women will use what’s called a relaxer, or “perm” (which, I don’t know why it’s called that, because it doesn’t make our hair curly) to straighten our hair.

Well, I had tried “going natural” in 2011, but I got about 7 months of new growth before I caved and “permed” my hair because I knew I was going to be in humid Florida weather as a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding.  The two different textures of my natural hair, vs the relaxed hair were not getting along.  Haha.  I chose to just relax my hair.  I didn’t “big chop,” (where we cut off all of the relaxed hair, or even go to a clean shave and start growing hair all over again) and chose to transition (get to a certain length  of new growth of my natural hair before I cut off the relaxed ends) instead.  I relaxed my hair in September of 2012, and again in December of 2012 because I was going out of town for New Year’s Eve, and wanted a fresh perm.

Little did I know, that just a few months later, I’d be going natural.  Not the way I had wanted it to happen, but I’m okay with it! When I had brain surgery, the doctors shaved almost the entire front portion of my hair.  All that was left (straight and a little past shoulder length) was a small piece near my left ear, and all of the hair in the back of my head.  Of course, they did what they had to do in order to save my life, but in the African American community, hair is a big deal.  You can imagine my shock when I woke up (not knowing where I was, or what really happened to me) to see my hair nearly gone.  That was definitely the least of my worries, though.

Praise God (seriously) that my hair grew back!!!  I am so blessed to have hair!  I know that isn’t the case for some brain surgery patients.  Sometimes the hair won’t grow back, or it grows back in some areas and not others.  Sometimes the hair grows back in very thin and brittle.  Not in my case.  My hair started growing back before I even left the hospital!  I still had the long parts, but the shaved part had started growing in very thick (just like always) and curly.  What?  My hair is curly!  I mean I knew that, because I would wear it in its curly state even with a relaxer, but this was different.

I left the hospital after 12 days with a new hairdo, and a mind set on beating what tried to beat me.  In the beginning, I would wear scarves to cover my incision site, since it was still swollen and visible.  But my hair began to grow more (thick and curly as ever) and I decided to just be me.  My mom would french braid the hair in the back, and the piece on the left side just kind of blended in with the braid as well as the new growth.  I can’t explain it, but it made sense.  Eventually, though, my hair started to break off and fall out.  I know a lot of it had to do with all of the medications I was on, and I’m sure the dye from the angiogram didn’t help.  That’s alright, because I had a plan.

I went completely natural on March 24, 2012!!!  My mom is a medical assistant, but she did hair for several years.  Yep, a cosmetologist turned medical assistant.  Don’t ask, haha she’s an interesting character.  Anyway, she cut off all of my long, relaxed hair on March 24.  We blended the newly short pieces to match where the doctor shaved my hair on the morning of surgery.  Shortest my  hair has ever been!  Wow.  Best part? I loved it!  Loved, loved, loved it.  It was so nice to see my natural curl pattern, and it’s been a journey to watch it grow.

I cut my hair two times after that last year, July 29, and December 1!  I’m currently in a “blah” stage, because I just miss my long hair sometimes.  It’s been both rewarding and difficult to work with my natural hair.  Why?  Because I’m not accustomed to it.  It’s  a lot of work to maintain this hair of mine, even if it is still (possibly) considered TWA (teenie weenie afro) stage!  It’s short, but it’s not as short as it was the first time I cut it.  I have enough length to do some fun stuff with it, now.  I’d say it’s probably 5 inches, altogether.  Baby hair! Hahah.

Anyway, it’s been fun just feeling my hair.  It’s been fun being me, and I’m not apologizing for it.  This the the hair God gave me, and I’m going to wear it.  Besides, now I have this nagging thought in the back of my mind that if I relax it, the chemicals will irritate my incision site, and somehow get into my brain.  Hahahah.  That’s probably not true, but you never know!  I’m on a health mission, and I don’t need chemicals in my hair, anyway.  I want to do everything I can do to make sure I’m staying healthy.  That includes my hair.

I’ve done the wash ‘n go thing, and was tempted to “just cut it all off” because I became so bored with it.  I then perused some natural hair websites, and I’ve been learning about other techniques (shingling) to style my hair.  My current (as of a week ago) favorite is the twist out!  It takes me for-ev-er to twist my hair, but hey, I don’t have to style it for a few days after that.  Haha.  It took around 2 hours last night for me to twist my hair.  As I was typing this blog, I started playing with some of the twists (hand in hair syndrome something serious, here) and took them all out.  Now I’m wearing  a twist out!  Hahah.  It’s just a lot of fun the things I can do with my hair, now. I think I’m a 4B hair type, but I haven’t entirely figured out that system, yet.  I just know that my hair shrinks like crazy!  When I wet it, the curls come out, but when it dries, it just looks like a puff.  When I stretch the twists, the hair at the nape of my neck reaches my shoulders.  Sometimes I wear it in an afro, sometimes I just put some Eco Styler Olive Oil gel and Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie on it, sometimes I shingle the Eco Styler and Shea Moisture.  Sometimes it shrinks up so much that people will say “I thought you weren’t going to cut you hair?”  I didn’t, it’s versatile in that I can stretch it out, or style it to where it’s shorter.  Natural hair may be kind of difficult to maintain until you figure out what your (none of us are the same or have the same hair) hair needs, but it’s fun.

March 23, 2012 was the day I began my “real-lationship” with God.  I feel like it was only a natural (no pun intended ha) progression for my hair to follow suit, so I did a modified “big chop” on March 24, 2012. One year completely natural, today!  I wish I hadn’t cut it the two other times last year, because I can only imagine how much growth I’d have now.  But that’s okay, my mom already told me that she won’t cut it this year.  I’m having fun with it now, anyway, so I just want to let it grow and see what else is possible.

:)