Moments in time.

I wrote and shared this post as a status on Facebook back in January.  I was just looking through my timeline tonight and I found it again.  It made me smile, because I remember the moment so vividly.  I love “little things” like this that just hit you with such force you can’t help but have it seared into your memory.  Anyway, here we go. :)

“There I was, distracted in the day to day monotony of “would you like your receipt with you, or in the bag?” You walked in, and I was buried in the task of cleaning my station, irritated at the mess. You spoke “Ma’am, where can I get an application?” I looked up in a frenzy, half surprised and half annoyed that you’d distract me from trying to tidy up the mess. I looked up, half ready to roll my eyes when all of a sudden I lost my breath. I was so instantly captivated by your eyes. They were the most beautiful combination of blue, green, and clear I have ever seen. To this day, I have never lost my breath over a glimpse into someone’s eyes, and I wonder if it’ll ever happen again. I directed you towards where you needed to be, and just like that you were gone. Just like that, I was erupting in laughter at my annoyance and ability to be momentarily captured by something greater than me. Just like that, my co worker standing nearby was confused at the apparent hilarity that ensued from something as simple as “where can I get an application?” She didn’t understand how off guard you caught me. She didn’t understand that I’m rarely ever caught off guard. She didn’t understand that I now understood why they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. I eventually told her how I had been instantaneously mesmerized and she encouraged me to go find you. I resisted the urge to sprint back to where you were, because I was content in that single moment of realization. Thank you, stranger. Thank you.”

 

I don’t think I’ll ever forget that day or those eyes.  Beautiful.  Simple.  Gone, in a moment.

Blessings.

I want to take a little break from “journey journaling,” and share with y’all a post I guest wrote for my very close friend, who I call my sister, Jaclyn’s blog back in January. :)  It’s entitled Blessings, and I didn’t know it at the time, but my own words would once again give me so much strength in the days ahead of me. I wrote it on January 7,  2012, exactly 4 weeks before my life was drastically changed.  Here it is…

“Hello to all of miss lovely Jaclyn Whitmore’s readers. :)  A few days ago, I was discussing with Jaclyn various ways for her to keep her blog rolling throughout the year, even when she may be entirely too busy (she’s a wonder woman, seriously!) to write herself. One of my suggestions was to feature a guest blogger from time to time. She loved the idea, and asked me what I had been thinking about lately. I told her, and she asked me to write as a guest blogger for her. I told her I would be honored… And here we have it, folks.

I am a firm believer in blessings. If you wake up and you’re able to see another day, through each eye, you are blessed. If your feet hit the ground and you are able to stand up by yourself, you are blessed. If you can walk down the hallways of your house, you are blessed. Grab your morning coffee, juice, cereal, toast? Blessed. It is so easy to get lost in the day to day movement of life that we often forget to take a moment to slow down and realize hey… All of this doesn’t have to be given to me. Yet it is. I am blessed. Thank you, God for creating this life for me. I hope that I live life the way You want me to, and that through me, others know You.  I remember back in November (for my Face book users) when that “thankful” status went viral. It forced me every single day of November (or some days 2 or 3 updates at once because I wasn’t yet a smart phone–surprise–user!) to update my friends and family on what I consider a blessing in my life. At first it was difficult. I wanted to be original, and I wanted to not repeat the previous days blessing(s).  But then as the days went on, I found myself seeing blessings everywhere.  I honestly felt like because I chose to acknowledge and publicly proclaim my blessings, more were awarded to me.  Life can be so funny like that. Which brings me to my next point…

It is vital for us to adopt a positive attitude. What better way to start, than in this new year when we all feel refreshed and ready for a change? When we adopt this attitude and navigate through the seas of life with this mindset, we are awarded with more positive outcomes.  Call me naive, or whatever… But I am truly a regular Pollyanna. The true optimist. Forever seeing even the tiniest ray of light in places a light hasn’t shown in God knows how long. I can’t help it. It’s inherent within me to always try to find the upside. Why? Because I know that when I do, it makes dealing a little easier. Suddenly, things aren’t so bad anymore.  I know it may drive my friends and family crazy sometimes because it can come off as avoiding reality.  Which is never my intention. I try very hard to center myself, focus on what’s at hand, and then act accordingly. What has been according to me in these past few years, is that it’s essential to keep your head above water. Tread water if you feel like you may be sinking, but don’t let yourself go under. Try to see the light.

Realize that each day, you are blessed. If it will help you to be reminded of this, maybe write down a reason, big or small why you feel blessed that day. It’s a perfect gateway into adopting a more positive attitude. You may even find that once you’ve started this lifestyle change, more blessings appear. It’s great, really. Sure, some people may be annoyed with your mindset, and try to convince you otherwise. But do not let them contaminate your spirit. Be very careful the people that you surround yourself with. They have more of an impact on you than you may realize sometimes. So, surround yourself in good company, count those blessings, write them down if you need to, and watch as good generates more good.

I pray that each and every one of you has a spectacular year. That laughter and love flow easily, comfort surrounds you, and peace rests within you. Enjoy yourself, take chances, but be smart about your decisions, have fun, and take care of yourselves and your loved ones. That’s all we can do to get by. Oh, and smile. Smiles are important. :)”

Good generates more of the same, just as negativity generates more of the same.  You get to choose which one you’d like to have overflowing within your life.  I have to remind myself of this during the “down days” of this recovery.  Do I want to feel miserable, today?  Or do I want to thank God that I am walking, talking, breathing, and functioning on my own?  The choice is mine.  Do I want to let the fear overtake my mind, or do I want to fight that fear with the faith that God brought me this far, and won’t abandon me now?  Everyday, there’s a conscious decision I make.  I know I’m still “early” in recovery, although these have been the longest past 5 months of my life and it is a big like a rollercoaster in terms of emotions and just processing it all.  I’m handling it very well.  So well, in fact, that many people have told me I’m the strongest person they know.  Thank you all for the encouragement.  I’m tired, but you all give me the strength to push just a little further.

I count my blessings everyday, and now, just waking up is a blessing.  I’ve been saying it…  But remember, tomorrow is a privilege, not a promise.  Do you think I thought I might die on Saturday night, February 4?  No.  Clearly not, as I was making plans to live it up the next day for the Superbowl.  Never even dreamed this could happen to me.  Whenever I learned just how dire the situation was at my first follow up with Dr. White on March 6, I wasn’t scared that I could have died.  I was scared that I could have died and not known where my soul would spend eternity.  That scared me, and it made me very sad.  I had already decided at some point during my ICU stay that “as soon as” I was recovered, I was going to give my life up for the Lord’s will in mind, body, and spirit.  I’m not fully recovered, though, and with a brain injury, recovery is a lifelong process.  So, while I’m doing as good as I am, I’ve been living for Him with the life He’s granted me to live.  No sense in waiting until I feel better.  No… I’m going to do it everyday.  So, that’s where the changes have come from.  I’m thankful to be alive, able to love my friends and family, and enjoy my life.